Hall of Shame (page 5

Hall of Shame (page 5)

Below are more stories of families unjustly separated by the "system" without representation of counsel and/or a Jury of their peers. The starting page, with an index, is here. These people have volunteered their stories so that everyone can understand the true damage being done, and also, so those who may be experiencing your own personal "nightmare" may realize -- you are not alone! We want you to here them in their own words. We can't vouch for the accuracy of these tales and we hope you will understand the bitterness and frustration you will hear in some of these.

Name: Katherine Ortell Location: E. Hampton, MA
Email Addr: EDDYITT@JUNO.COM

Children/Birth Date: Samantha (1997)

Date Separated: Aug 7, 2000

Fighting for custody back I was 17 when I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I was living with her father whom I had been with for 2 years. Eventually the stress of work and supporting a newborn caused him to push himself away from us. We decided to end our relationship and the baby and I moved out.

I now see how young and naive I was when it came to being on my own. I had a really hard time holding a job and I ended up getting into trouble with drugs. Samantha's father and I decided it would be best to have him take custody until I got my life straight again.

This August will make 1 year since my daughter has lived with me and it has been the worst one of my life. In the original custody agreement I was granted open and reasonable visitation rights. However her father decided that he didn't feel that I could handle her so even though I had been clean for over 7 months at this point, he still refused to let me see her. So, back to court we went and I was unfairly given supervised visits 3x a week!. A week after we started the visits her father called me and asked me if I would take her overnight unsupervised. Of course I jumped at the chance to see my child and since that one overnight our arrangement has gone from supervised to unsupervised overnight visits from Friday to Wednesday.

This may sound wonderful to any mother who has fought or is fighting for their child back but unfortunately when I tried to inform the courts of how often I now have her and about how he has since lost his job and is unable to care for her I keep getting pushed to the side and i have to keep taking drug tests. I have been clean now for almost a year, I have a full-time job, I'm beginning college in the fall and I want my daughter with me. I will never say her father is a bad father because when she needed him the most he was there but, I truly believe that a little girl needs her mother. Doesn't every child? Please pray for my child that someday she can come home.

Name: Brian Dutcher Location: Rockford, IL
Email Addr: BRIANDUTCHER@HOTMAIL.COM

Children/Birth Date: Ambra Lynn Dutcher (1997)

Date Separated: Jan 28, 2001

Going to court on 06/04/2001 for violating restraining order -- which I did not do. My wife doesn't want me to see my daughter at all.

On January 28th of this year my wife went out with her boyfriend For about ten hours. When she came home, she picked a fight with me And then went upstairs. When I went up to see why she was so quite I found her sitting on the bed with my gun on her lap. She said she was going to blow my f-----g brains out. As I took the gun away from her I also hung up the phone 911 called right back and then sent the police out. My wife showed them a lump on her head and said I had hit her They never asked me what was going on or if there was any other explanation for the lump (I believe her boyfriend gave so she could get rid of me). They just took me to jail.

I lost my job am about to lose my truck (which I am living in) And did not see my daughter for 30 days. I am now allowed to see her every other weekend. My dear wife is always late in getting her to me. I can't go to the house to pick her up. On 06/04/2001 I go to court because my dear wife say's I have been harassing her. Not true! But I can't prove I haven't been any more than she can prove any of her other lies. But in Georgia her word is all it takes so she wins, I don't see my daughter again (ever) and I go back to jail. I have a lawyer that said I better get use to the idea because in Georgia I don't stand much of a chance. So I do all I can, pray that God will have his way and the truth will be known. All you out there reading this please pray also. That my dear wife will come to her senses and tell the truth And we can work thing out. A small part of me still loves her, and I don't believe in divorce My marriage vows to god said till death do us part. Divorce is to easy these days we all need to turn back to god for guidance and support.

Name: Julia Colloton Location: Rockford, IL
Email Addr: KrisNatsMommy@hotmail.com

Children/Birth Date: Kristin (1990), Natale (1992)

Date Separated: September 26, 2000

We were set for custody trial on May 21, but now there is a delay for the 5th time in 4 years. It was a highly tense day. My beautiful girls had been in protective custody with me for 2 weeks because Natale had divulged to an ER Physician that her father had "touched her privates, and tried to insert a finger" while trying on clothes at Target Department Store on August 28th, 2000. When I took my little girl to the emergency room at Swedish American Hospital in Rockford, Il., I informed them that I thought that she had a terrible yeast infection that would not respond to medication. Instead, the physician who saw her, Dr. Al Baris, had a different opinion. He diagnosed Natale with, "History of possible sexual abuse" and called the police and our infamous DCFS. My little girl could not walk and for 3 days, had to be carried.

The judge appeared hateful that he had to allow me to have my children. He shook his finger at me and told me not to move them from the jurisdiction of the court or her would issue a federal warrant for my arrest. I thought, "Where in the world does he expect me to go?" He demanded that the DCFS investigation be completed in 10 days (In Illinois, state law states allows them 90 days). I was called into court many times in my two week period, living on edge every moment. I'll never forget the moment my little one climbed into my lap and stated with joy, "It feels like you won custody of us, mom." The older daughter chimed in with the same comment and said that they did not want to go back to their father's duplex, that he was a "queer", that he had uninstalled all the telephone jacks in the house because he was afraid that the girls would "sneak a phone in and call their mommy", places a chair up against the door at night in case I were to break in (I have better things to do). There are many more things and I am asked if these are "normal."

The girls told of stories of physical abuse, fondling, inappropriate washing during bathing, urinating in the presence of the girls, etc. I have photographed all of the abuse marks, welts, handprints whip marks, etc., but our very capable DCFS Supervisor, Artis Cook, states that these "marks" could have been caused by anything. Upon inquiring what could have left existing bruises, she replied, "no comment" took her snickers bar and coke and left the room. The GAL on my case used to work with Artis. Her name is Kathryn Bischoff. Because she had a law degree, some intelligent person made her a supervisor..... this was after some intelligent college gave her a JD degree. Much to my surprise, all of the investigators that I had on my case, used to work with Ms. Bischoff.

Ms. Bischoff has some problems with me. She has not liked me since the onset of our case, she has been completely unilateral and chosen sides, she has listened to the children state that they don't want to live with their father, they want to live with me, but when it comes time for Ms. Bischoff to tell the court what the girls have stated, she lies to the court and states that the girls prefer their father. I can make this accusation because I have witnessed my children speaking with her and her recitation of the conversation to the court. Yet, as an "officer of the court, she is presumed not to lie." What a joke that one is. Currently, anyone involved in our case, has had some involvement working with or for Ms. Bischoff, who has manipulated the case for the past 3 years. Ms. Bischoff has never had any children of her own, does not know what is age appropriate, does not comprehend the intelligence of a 6 month old, much less an older child nor understands the perseverance of an 8-11 year old

She preys on the young and keeps them silent, so that their stories cannot be told. The day came for Natale to be interviewed by the police detective. I was told to prepare the girls for questioning by just telling them to "tell the truth." I took the girls to Carrie Lynn Center (named for a child that DCFS and police ignored and later uncovered her beaten body from a shallow grave) for the questioning. I was told that a forensic questioner, a petite woman, would speak with my girls.

At the last minute, the woman was unavailable and a somewhat Nazi looking male named, Det. Paul Swanbery, interviewed. He towered my children and I by at least 2 feet. My children were intimidated by him. When asked, my girls stated that they were abused physically and Natale told of the incident at Target while the older, Kristin, corroborated the story. They told stories that were years old with details that I do not recall. The girls recalled the night their father called me a "F***** Bitch" and threw me across the kitchen landing on Natale. They remembered, with such clarity, events that I wanted to erase from my memory. Since my girls have near photographic memories (like their older brother and mother) their recollections and succintness of events was under superstition. When I was questioned, I was hit by the question, "We are under the impression that you have told your girls what to say." Instead of taking the defense, I immediately asked the detective, "are you accusing me of telling them to say bad things about their father?" I was confronted with, "When I (Paul Swanberg) looked at Natale, she said, "My mommy did not tell me what to say." That was all the inexperienced detective needed to hear before he wrote, "brainwashed" in his notes.

I wondered and wondered why my daughters would make such a statement and then it dawned on me that the statement came from their anti-therapist....You guessed right, he was employed by DCFS and worked with Kathryn Bischoff. The anti-therapist, Jay (John) Budzynski, used to ask them questions. The girls had openly expressed their hatred at going to sessions, but unsuccessfully, I tried to have things changed. This man also, so aligned with Kathryn Bischoff and my former spouse, became very much so, an advocate for my custodial termination. Kristin used to come home and tell me that "Dad and Jay have a new name for you, mom." I would tell her, "that's nice." "Wanna hear?" she asked. I said, "No." I was told anyway. Kristin told me that they referred to me as, "Your M-U---T-H-E-R." Jay would continually ask the girls, when he considered them to be misbehaving (duh, another intelligent person that had never had children), "Did your M-U----T-H-E-R, make you say that! ! ?" Or, "Did your M-U---T-H-E-R make you do that?" Apparently, Jay's constant questioning of the girls, finally led to just receiving a look with an eye. When Jay would simply raise an eyebrow, which I am suspecting that Paul Swanberg did, the conditioned response from the girls is/was, "No, my mom did not make me say that" (yes, they can be smart alecky).

So the very thing that I am accused of, is actually a statement that was conditioned by the counselor. If I did not know better, I would say that this was done purposely. If that man intentionally played with their minds, I would suspect that forgiveness will never be an issue. Was Paul Swanbery intelligent enough to check into this? No. Should we expect our police department to actually protect and serve us? It seems that in this day an age, where sex hostilites are so high, that accusations are made to any and every extent. There still remained the fact: Who caused the bruises in the photos, who sexually fondled Natale, why couldn't Natale walk and why did a doctor state that there was a history of sexual abuse? Another doctor confirmed the bruising, another daughter confirmed the presence of broken bones...... are my children to be like Carrie Lynn before anyone listens and then the police department and DCFS apologize by naming a children's center after them? Yeah, right.

That doesn't do in America. DCFS released their report to Kathryn Bischoff on September 25th, 2000 (that's the date she wrote but the letter was never actually dated). That they were going to RECOMMEND that the case be unfounded. We went to court in the morning. I had dropped off my children at school, made their lunches, walked them to their classes and kissed them. That was the last day that I saw them in a "normal" way. Judge Stephen Nordquist, at the behest of Kathryn Bischoff and opposing attorney Robert Canfield, took them away from me. He would not allow telephone contact nor visual contact. I lost my teaching position as a result of my former spouse, his atty., and the GAL making a visit to the school district, with a court order against me and suspicions of "brainwashing" my children. At the urging of Kathryn Bischoff, I was court ordered to undergo a series of psychological tests for mom's that brainwash their children.

My only hope of getting them back, was to pass the tests. I did pass the tests, with flying colors. Part of the test even stated that, "Mom did not brainwash the children, and the children have not been brainwashed." This result angered Ms. Bischoff and opposing counsel and the judge. By this time, Ms. Bischoff had asked to leave as GAL. Stephen Nordquist would not allow her leave for 30 days. In that time, Ms. Bischoff did and said anything that she could defamatory toward me. And, you guessed correctly if you asked yourself, "Was the person who did the psychological testing connected with Kathryn Bischoff?" His name is David Jacobsen, psy.d., intern.

His self-centeredness on his profile and credentials is extremely apparent. Word has it that he was insulted by a police officer who pulled him over for a ticket when he was not addressed as, "Doctor." That is indicative of pathology and narcissism, yet this man is studying to do this as a career? Where are the psychology police when you need them? This man is NOT licensed in! ! this state nor any other state to interpret tests and draw conclusions, but the judge and Kathryn Bischoff gave him the power to do so. In the interim of GAL changes, Stephen Nordquist demanded an "addendum" report. He was able to obtain documents that are unattainable via FOIA requests, allowed ILLEGAL wire-tapping to take place, allowed ILLEGAL conversations to be transcribed, gave them to the new GAL who provided that very intelligent intern with false and illegal information to write the "addendum report" to give the Stephen Nordquist enough justification to the Court of Appeals for taking away my children without due process guaranteed under the 5th amendment.

Am I confused, or did someone erase some of the constitution. What happened to the bill of rights? These judges are sworn to protect the constitution, but did anyone ever make them read it? So, I was set up. In the literal sense. I was told by a very introspective news reporter when the divorced commenced that the courts' sole goal would be to annihilate me, strip me of dignity, money, possessions and then take my children from me. That this was the pattern taking place in family court against women that I had been so naively unaware of. I was finally allowed to "visit" my daughters at $40.00 an hour (like they are circus animals or something) for 4 hours per week.

Let me remind you, I have never been accused of anything, and the date that my children were "illegally stolen" from me, no one had ever spoken to the physician OR my daughter. I would think that these would be critical components in any investigation. But, I'm only a mom. What would I know? The first time I saw my girls, Natale crawled into my lap and said, "Mommy, what did I do wrong? Why can't we come home?" I cried and cried. My heart was breaking and her tearful little eyes that expected me to protect her were staring at me for an answer. I could give none. Judge Stephen Nordquist would not let me see my children for my birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, My daughter's birthday, New Years, Easter and up until May 17, 2001, I had no contact with them for almost 5 weeks.

While the GAL, Canfield and everyone played games, I couldn't even see my children for Mother's day. This was supposed to be temporary. But in Winnebago County, IL., I am finding out that temporary means "pretty much permanent." I had a man approach me and offer to talk to the State's Attorney for me. I asked him to stay out of my case. He ended up losing his job and I ended up NOT being able to see my children. Then on May 17,2001, I was able to see my children for 2 hours (with a supervisor @ $40/hr) at the local mall. I had gotten some great sale clothes at Old Navy and bought my children summer clothes. Jay Budzynski accused me of "buying my children's love" and told the supervisor that, "If I wanted to see my children, I could do it in a room with 4 walls a window and a door---his office."

When she inquired about taking them to the waterpark, he responded, "No way, absolutely not, she is not taking those children out in public." The supervisor told him that she thought that he was being unreasonable. This was just yesterday, May 18, 2001. I have told my atty to go in on an emergency motion (let's hope) to show this manipulation of the court. All these men against one woman and two little girls. An obsessive/compulsive, anal retentive ex-husband who manipulated those about him. I feel that he is pure evil. Their brother, John, has not been allowed to see his sisters in 5 months at the request of my ex., who said, "I don't want her son around MY daughters." The supervisor even stated to me, "they are really trying to control you, aren't they?" Someone else noticed!!

I should mention, that in addition to all of the abuse allegations, my daughters showed up at a visit with me with severe bruising because my eldest had telephoned my husband to pick her up from school because her father had forgotten. She was severely reprimanded for this act. Upon showing the bruises to the supervisor, who was a mandated reporter, she called Jay Budzynski and the new GAL, Michael Raridon on the night of January 31, 2001. A meeting was promised to view the bruising and hear the girls' testimony. Raridon and Budzynski never showed up. All three of these people are mandated reporters to DCFS, yet none of them reported the incident. In a 1999 incident, Kristin told Jay that her father had just grabbed and twisted her arm (a bruise that resulted in severe ecchymosis and swelling). Budzynski ignored my little girls' pleas for help and when I reported him to the local IDPR (reglatory commission) the complaint was dismissed by John German, Investigator.! ! Another person who refuses to help children. Only recently, have I been taught about the Father's Rights' groups, federal funding and kickbacks to the fathers, attys, judges and GAL's. I can only pray that this is not what has happened, but it fits the pattern. I ask everyone out there to please pray for my daughters, Kristin and Natale as well as their brother, John. Please, don't stop praying to touch the hearts of the evil ones with good.

Regardless of whether you are a hurting mom or dad, the children are hurting more. Please don't use your children to get even with your spouse. These are our children! If there is an active group in your community, help them out, get ready to fight a fight that needs fighting and stand up to change laws and not to let this happen to your family or anyone else's. Please help the children. - Julia

Name: Karen Hogan Location: Narragansett, RI
Email Addr: rekshogan@yahoo.com

Children/Birth Date: Jessica 6/2/85, Teresa 7/3/87, Rachel 5/12/89, & Emily 5/21/90

Date Separated: August 1, 1991

In 1991 my children were taken from me. The dcyf worker that I had accused me of neglect and abuse. She accused me of bringing my child to see dead people in body bags and dropping them off in a jungle and so on. I have no rights to my children. I don't know what to do, it is very painful that I can't see them and watching them grow and calling me mommy. Something most be done so dcyf can't be doing this to people that don't abuse their children and pay more focus to people that do abuse their children.

Name: Kristan Ray Location: Tipperary Town, Republic of Ireland
Email Addr: lilirose@streetpunks.com

Children/Birth Date: Neil Dylan Ray (11/10/94)

Date Separated: July 2000

Adoptive father has full custody, I am only allowed visitation supervised by the adoptive father for two hours every two weeks. I was married in Texas. My ex-husband, who is NOT my son's bio Dad, left me for a 21 year old. I was left with no income (I was a stay at home mom), no transportation, and no support of any kind, and was living in an area with no public transportation. My ex kidnapped my son during our initial separation, forcing me to go to court for a pre-trial hearing, where my son was ordered to a foster home unless my husband and I could come to an agreement. As a result, we agreed to 50% custody each until the final divorce.

Shortly after this pre-trial hearing, I was forced to leave Texas. I had no lawyer and no luck at all finding legal aid, and my ex-husband was harassing me constantly, violating the terms of the agreement, sending CPS to my house on a regular basis on unfounded charges, and subjecting my son to great emotional pain in various ways. I still was unable to find work and my water and electricity were cut off. CPS told me that they could no longer allow my son to stay with me unless I could pay for my utilities.

My ex claimed that he would not be going through with the final divorce because he could not afford it, and he also led me to believe that he would work out a custody agreement that was fair to everyone- even suggesting that my son would be allowed to live with me during the school year. I made the mistake of trusting him.

My divorce was finalized in court on Sept. 28, 2000. I was given NO notification that this hearing was going to take place, even though the court had been informed of my new address. My ex claimed in court that I had said that I planned to kidnap my son, so he was awarded full custody, with me only being allowed supervised visitation on a schedule that was impossible for me because of the distance involved.

I am now only allowed to speak to my son once a week. I am planning to return to Texas in the Autumn of 2000, but even then I will only be allowed to see my son from two hours every two weeks, and the court ordered that this visitation will be supervised by my ex.

Name: Lisa Smith Location: Fulton, NY
Email Addr: lsmith09@twcny.rr.com

Children/Birth Date: Ilidia (1989) & Kaitlyn (1990)

Date Separated: March 1993

I left my ex because of physical abuse. I took our 3 children and fled a 30 min. drive away. He showed up the next morning and took 2 of our children. Our third child has multiple disabilities. He then proceeded to Onondaga family court with his sister and the lawyer she worked for. They told Judge Buck I had dropped the children off on a door step.

He was awarded temp. custody on that day. That was the day my heart was torn out. Well actually, it wasn't that day because I was not informed right away. I tried to get the courts, the judge, someone to listen but no luck. To this day-april-13-2001, I still have trouble getting my children, the system let me down.

They took his word, an angry abusive husband, and i had absolutely no say in the matter. Unfortunately, my ex has also chosen not to have a relationship with our son in which means he only gets to see his biological siblings two days a week. The system let me down in this way also. The judge told my ex that he has every right to pick and choose which children he has contact with. That is fine for him, but should my children suffer by not being able to see their brother on a daily basis because it doesn't suit my ex? I thought that the system was here for the children and their best interests. I was wrong.

Name: Richard Eichinger Location: Fort Wayne, IN
Email Addr: rae1164@cswebmail.com

Children/Birth Date: Heidi (1989), Mysti (1993), Hans (1996)

Date Separated: April 2001

Hi, my name is Richard Eichinger and I live in Fort Wayne, Indiana. I live just 1 block from 2 elementary schools and a middle school where my 2 daughters attend school. Heidi Anne is my favorite oldest child. She's 12, in 6th grade on high honor roll and runs track for her school. Mystrahlen Adel is my favorite baby girl; she's 7. Her nickname is Mysti, she's in 1st grade and she just finished playing her 1st year on the basketball team. Hans Christoffer is my favorite son. If you ask him he'll tell you that I'm his favorite Dad. There is not another man on the planet better suited to be Hans' Dad. Hans is 4 now and he started pre-school this year.

I was separated from my children just one week ago, on April 8th. A judge awarded (his word, not mine) sole custody to Mom; Dad is allowed a standard visitation. Their Mom and I live just 9 miles apart. Our children lived with both of us on an alternating week basis. The kids enjoyed themselves and thrived in that arrangement, it had been in place for just over 2 years. There was only one traumatic event in their lives; it occurred 2 years ago on the day their Mom secretly gathered all our things and moved my children across town. A thoughtful judge acted to correct the situation in only 3 days after the move. Now with this latest judge's order, there are 2 traumatic events in their young lives.

My children and I have been active in the community. We've attended horseback riding lessons and dance school, both ballet and tap. We went to basketball games, volleyball games, and track meets, and played street hockey. There were neighborhood block parties, Girl Scouting events and Parent Teacher Organization sponsored activities that all kept us occupied.

On April 15th, I traveled to Syracuse to join the people at A Kids Right. The reason why I want to get involved is simple. I know the pain. I know what it feels like to lose your babies. I want to do something to help parents like myself that have had their rights denied. And that's not all. My children have suffered irreparable harm. These egregious errors can be stopped; they must be stopped quickly to preserve our civilized society.

What trouble me most are the laws. Prior to my trial (6 days in court over 6 months), I gave this note to my lawyer and he laughed: the experts have told me quite a bit for over a year now. I've been told "You cannot win a custody battle over your children in Indiana because you've got to prove the mother unfit!" Even though I'm a fit father, the experts tell me that Mom should have sole custody. Even the lawyer experts have told me, you cannot win. They say, "lawyers who win custody cases represent mothers". They tell me that all they have to do in court is say "Present - your honor", as well as call Dad seven sorts of beast. It's easy for them; they don't have to prove their case.

Just this week, I was told that I'm not likely to win an appeal because appellate court judges won't change a custody ruling. It's their philosophy that it would be harmful to children to uproot them. I find this stunning. After 2 years of sharing both parents, the circuit court judge uproots the children and the appellate court judge won't overturn this bad decision because it uproots the children. Go figure.

What bothers me more is an Indiana law that states "The court shall not modify a child custody order unless ... there's a substantial change ... ". Well, the judge has a loophole ... yes, a technicality. Even though 2 years have elapsed, during which time my son has aged from 2 to almost 5, the ruling is merely a judgment on a motion that was only delayed. I think the judge broke the law because the "spirit of the law" was not upheld. I can tell you, my spirits are broken.

I wrote this letter to the judge and handed it to his court reporter on April 9th. My attorney said that the judge told him that he got the letter and he was surprised that the letter was so nice. He entered the letter into the court record noting it as a motion to reconsider. I believe that the law says he had 5 days to answer the motion and he hasn't yet (April 25th).

Dear Judge:

I'm writing this letter to you to ask you to reconsider your decision. I don't know if the law allows you to do it. This award of sole custody is so painful to me; you just can't imagine the pain I feel now.

You could have increased my child support payment to $822 per week. This would give Christel every dollar that I currently take home per week (I've added in the tax because support payments are not tax deductible). You could have given Christel all of my property, my 2 automobiles, my entire ITT Savings Plan, and the Honeywell pension (it doesn't matter to me what its value is today). You could have assigned all of the debt that either of us has now to me.

You could do all that, if you had just left the custody the way it was: joint legal and physical custody. My children's rights to their Dad would have been preserved. They would get what they have always wanted since the day they were born, both their Mom and Dad, equally responsible with similar authority to make decisions for their future.

I know that you meant well with your decision. Never the less I still must respectfully disagree with it. I know that you are bound by law to follow the laws of the State of Indiana.

Do you surf the Internet? I do it quite often and I found a proposed law. I think the law is very carefully crafted. It benefits all parties in separation, divorce, or paternity cases. Would you read it and let me know what you think of it? I know this is a lot to ask of you. I wouldn't even dare ask this of you except that my kids are very, very important to me. They are equally very, very important to their Mom; and their Mom and Dad are both very, very important to them all.

You can connect to this web link or take a look at The Family Rights Act of 2000 that I’ve attached to this letter.

http://www.kids-right.org/family_rights_act.htm

Sincerely,

Richard Eichinger

Name: Tammy L. Wiggins Location: Dallas, TX
Email Addr: tamlee_w@hotmail.com

Children/Birth Date: Caitlin (1993) & Samuel (1995)

Date Separated: Nov 11, 1999

I am Tammy I live in Texas. I lost physical custody of my 5-year-old son, Sam and 7 year old daughter, Caitlin in November of 1999 to my abuser. I never allowed myself to get close to anyone until I started seeing my first husband. I had known him through high school. It was disastrous relationship. I ended up in the emergency room one night with a broken foot and massive bruises. The police were called and pictures were taken. I was told that if I filed charges, it would only make it worse the next time. The second trip to the emergency room ended with a divorce.

A year later I thought I had met “the one. The verbal and mental abuse was there. I chose to ignore it. I had seen him get into two fistfights and it didn’t occur to me to be concerned for my safety. The first physical abuse started after I got pregnant the first time. He never hit me, but he would have confrontations with me over minor things like a dirty spoon in with the clean ones. During these confrontations, he would stand in front of me and push me with his body. The emotional abuse intensified. I miscarried a week before Christmas. Things seemed to get better for a while, but eventually the emotional and verbal abuse started up again. My friends and family were begging me to leave. I got pregnant the second time 3 years later. As soon as I told him I was pregnant, the physical and verbal abuse started up again.

This time he actually kicked me out of the house. Literally kicking me out the front door. He called his brother to come and get me before he killed me. I miscarried 3 weeks later. I stayed because I believed I wasn’t worthy of anyone else. I moved out but was back in less than three months. Why??? Because I believed that he was the only man who would have me. After I moved back, anything could set him off. One night we were getting ready to go out and I put on a pair of “penny” loafers. He started to strangle me because I wouldn’t change shoes. It was the first time he left bruises. My best friend at work saw the finger marks around my neck and asked me what was going on. I defended him. I got pregnant again.

This time I delayed telling him. When I finally got the courage to tell him, he told me it couldn’t be his baby because he had had a vasectomy while he was out of town. I was devastated. It was not an easy pregnancy. When I was in the hospital, he never held my hand through labor, never acknowledged me. I left him a second time when he kicked me while I was holding our ten - month old daughter. I was out and I let him talk me back. He had started going to church and promised everything would be different. It was different. He didn’t trust me. My family wasn’t allowed in our home. He opened a bank account under his name only so I wouldn’t have access to any money. I was ready to leave until I found out I was pregnant again. I was in shock. My doctor told me that Caitlin would be the only child I would have.

Sam was a true miracle. The abuse started up again. When Sam was nine months old, I had to have a total hysterectomy. Things went downhill quickly. I left him in October of 1996 after he tried to strangle me in front of our two children. Our eleven-year marriage was filled with his physical and emotional abuse and this time I filed charges. I never told the authorities before this because I am a CPA and was afraid it would affect my career. I filed charges and left the county to go stay with my parents. The children and I had no where else to go. I had been off work for two years in order to stay home with my children. I had no access to any money. My friends were afraid to let me stay with them. They were afraid of him. We left with whatever I could throw into the minivan.

I made my first mistake. I was talked out of filing for a protective order because I was leaving the county and wouldn’t need it. During our temporary hearing, the judge refused to listen to my fears of retaliation. I didn’t have a protective order. The judge ordered me to take the children to his parents’ house every weekend for visitation. He based the child support on a fake paycheck and then reduced it because my ex had to travel to see his children. My attorney let it happen. I was also ordered to bring the children back to the county in spite of the fact that I had a very good job in the other county. My attorney told me not to worry about it.

In December, I was thrown in jail for not returning the children to the county my ex lived. The judge refused to hear about my fears of abuse. I was taking the children to him every weekend so how could I be afraid of him? Then he called me an anarchist and gave me 24 hours in jail for contempt. I was also ordered to have the children back in the county within 24 hours. Before the hearing, my attorney notified the bailiff that my ex had a fugitive warrant out on him. The police had not bothered to arrest him for the assault even though they had his work and home address.

We rode to jail together. I could not believe this was happening. I managed to get my ex to let us live outside of the county, but I had to deliver the children to his doorstep for visitation. This meant a six-hour trip each way every other weekend. In February, the divorce was granted. We agreed on a date for me to come and pick up my half of our “marital assets”. I made a list of what we had and what I needed to start a new household. He had agreed to most of it. By this time, he had moved his brother’s soon to be ex-wife in with him. I purchased plane tickets for my step-sister and I to fly down, rented a truck and arranged to meet five members of my old church to help me load the truck.

When we got to the house, no one was home and a pile of broken furniture; my books, my Grandmother’s dishes and a rocking chair were sitting on the driveway covered with a tarp. I made another mistake by letting my emotions take over my judgement. I was still on the lease but He had filed a restraining order against me. I had the court’s permission to be there that day so my sister called the police and told them what we were doing. Then she got into the house and we took the items on the list and left. I was served with contempt and his attorney had written up the paperwork to charge everyone who helped me with felony breaking and entering. I was scared, I had double pneumonia and my attorney urged me to sit down and try to confer. He allowed both my ex and his attorney to verbally assault me.

My ex claimed I had destroyed his property and the damages was about $3500. They said if I paid the damages (that were not caused by my friends or me) and returned everything, they would forget the breaking and entering. I agreed but told them I was agreeing under duress. They also wanted me to drop the criminal charges against him. I went with out child support until the money was paid to him. Returned my furniture and my children’s toys and signed the paperwork stating I did not want to file criminal charges. When the furniture was returned, my attorney dropped it off and supposedly damaged the kitchen floor. I was cited for contempt for that and made to pay an additional $2000. I called the DA and told her what was happening. She told me that no matter what I did, she was going to prosecute but it cost me all of my furniture and belongings.

We had to start over from scratch. I was also ordered to drive the children 6 hours each way every other weekend for HIS visitation. It was very hard on the children and my daughter started to get sick every time she had to go. I could not miss any weekends, even if the children were sick, he insisted on them having to make the trip. I got charged with contempt again for failing to take them 3 times. Once I had a broken wrist and could not drive, once because my son had acute bronchitis, and once because of my job. That time I got 6 months probation, but if I missed any visitation during the 6 months, I would have to go to jail. Two months after I left, my ex-sister-in-law, left my ex-husband's youngest brother and moved in with my ex.

Suddenly "Aunt K" was now daddy's girlfriend. I finally got a new attorney and asked for an increase in child support as my ex's two older children were turning 18 and he no longer had to pay support for them. The children and I were struggling because finances were tight, but we were together and happy. My ex countered with a custody suite. They got the children to tell a licensed counselor that "Mommy" hit them and slapped them. I was turned in to Child Protective Services and investigated.

They found no evidence of any abuse on my part and dropped the investigation. We were ordered to be evaluated by a psychologist for the custody hearing. Four weeks before the trial we got her recommendations. She felt the children would be better off with their father and his new wife (we still are not sure if they are actually married, I mean they have the same last name). Her reasons: She did not believe there was ever any abuse in the marriage. She never talked to any of my witnesses. Our neighbors of ten years, our minister and my best friend had all witnessed his treatment of me and the psychologist never bothered to investigate. I suffer from clinical depression and post traumatic stress disorder because of the years of abuse and the 3-year court battle. She felt the fact that I had isolated myself would be harmful to the children's well being. I was and still am under treatment for this.

She admitted in her report that she had significant concerns regarding the father’s ability to help the children in their educational pursuits and his problem with empathizing and compassion. After reading the report, my attorney requested $20,000 to go to trial knowing full well I couldn't come up with the money. He got a judge to allow him to withdraw from the case 3 weeks before the trial. In the order to withdraw, I was not allowed to get a continuance in The four-year battle has caused me to file bankruptcy.

When I pick my children up for visitation, I get questions like; "Mommy, why don't you believe in Jesus? Mommy, why are you sick in the head?, Mommy, why do you hate my grandmother and granddad?, Don't you love Bruce and Stephanie any more? (My ex's older children) Are you going treat us like them? They are now being forced to call their former aunt, "Mom." I am so heart-broken and frustrated, because I have no legal recourse. I pray that one-day someone will take a stand to change things. Our children's best interests are not the focus in today's courts. It is who has the most money and the better attorney. It is very hard to see my children being used to get back at me. I am not the only mother in this predicament.

There are thousand’s of good mothers who are being punished by our family court systems because we chose to protect our children. Who is going to listen to us? Most of us do not have money to organize. We pay child support and spend our time fighting in the courts or trying to be a parent to our absent children. We live in constant fear that our rights to visitation can be taken away because of a long distance move or a false charge of parent alienation. We live with the stigma that we must have done something horrible to lose custody of our children. We need a fair chance in our family courts. Hardened criminals have more rights than we do for legal representation. I pray that our children will be strong enough to survive it. I pray that we mothers can be strong enough to survive. I pray our country is strong enough to survive. Thank you for your time.

Name: Connie Tschantz Location: KS
Email Addr: connieptschantz@yahoo.com

Children/Birth Date: Katelynn (1995) & Tyler (1994)

Date Separated: March, 23 2000

We must find them to start another action story! I am Katelynn and Tylers Grandmother, I am writing this because I am their advocate. Daddy and I work together on this problem. I do a lot of letter writing and things on their behalf, because Daddy works long hours.

Katelynn is now 5 years old and Tyler is 6, when this began were 11/2 and 21/2. Mom left and took the kids, she told daddy that he could only see the kids when she gave him permission. Well there was no custody order at the time, but Ty's atorrney told him he would have to have physical possesion of the kids in order to get custody. So Ty went to see the kids and brought Katelynn home with him. You must understand that at this point Ty was being told that Tyler was not his son, even though he was present at his birth and had been with her through the entire pregnancy and he was the only father the child has ever had, mommy was threatening that if he took him she'd have him arrested for kidnapping, ( Tyler doesn't carry his last name) So he only took Katelynn.

He went to the attorneys office the next day to get the custody action started and was meant at his office by the police and mommy screaming and acting like a mad woman and the police took Katelynn from Ty and gave her back to mommy. She had gotten a restraining order one hour before Ty's custody order went through. Then mommy went to the house they had lived in and proceeded to remove everything she could get her hands on. But the sheriff did stop her and told her only her personal things could be removed.

So she didn't get the bed or the couch or the table and chairs, but everything else. Then she went and put a restraining order on my husband and I But the judge threw both of them out because there was an action already in place in Franklin county and she had lied on the order, she already knew there was a custody action when she signed the paper saying that there was no other action in any other county.

Then she took off with the kids for 7 months, and Ty had to find her. No contact with his kids for 7 months almost killed him. He had a nervous breakdown and ended up in the hospital for a week and almost committed suicide. When he got out of the hospital he found another job, because of all the stress he had lost his other one. Then by accident 7 months later we found out where she was and gave the information to his attorney. Her own attorney had even been calling Ty's Attorney to find out if we had located her yet, because he wasn't being paid.

Well then a month later in March of 1997 they finally went to court (NO JURY ALLOWED) and the custody stayed with mommy, but he did get visitation. Only with Katelynn, because mommy said Tyler was not Ty's child. So the judge refused to allow paternity testing on Tyler, so we still don't know for sure although it doesn't really matter he's still Ty's son no matter what the truth is. Anyway, at first the visitation was 12 days a month. The very first visitation, Ty went to pick up Katelynn and mommy kept him waiting for almost 2 hours before she would let her go. On the third visitation, Katelynn was now 21/2 and being potty trained. Ty took care of her for the most part, but I helped with the things he was real uncomfortable with, like the potty training, Katelynn is a very smart and articulate child for her age and she was sitting on the potty talking to me. She said "Grandma my pepe hurts",I didn't think much about it, but I asked "why Katelynn", and she said very matter of factly, "because my mommy and Daddy Doug bites me there". Well as you can imagine I was in shock, but I asked her again, "what did you say?" And she repeated it word for word.

Well I didn't know what I should do, so I waited about 3 hours until bed time and then I told our son. He just kept saying NO, NO, NO, at first. But he knows that mom doesn't lie but he wanted her to repeat it to him. But Katelynn was really tired, and she would not repeat it to him. Ty and I talked a lot that night about what we should do about it, then he got the idea of asking his sister Jennifer, to come down the next day, so he called her, she agreed to come but kept saying no thats not possible this can't be true. So the next day Katelynn got up and had breakfast and played with dad and Grandpa for a while, no one even spoke a word about what she had said the day before. So when Jenny came down, she asked that we all stay out side and she took Katelynn in the living room and just sat and talked for a while then she asked her, "katelynn did some one hurt you?" and Katelynn said again, very matter of factly, "my mommy bites me on my pepe". Then Aunt Jenny got up and told Ty to call the police. So he did, and they told him he'd have to take her back up to KC where the incident occurred because they didn't have JURISDICTION, (which we found out later was bogus.) But that is what we did. So she was examined by the doctor at Bethany hospital ER but there wasn't any evidence at this time. But we also had to take her to the child sexual abuse clinic at KU MED CENTER. well the cops didn't believe a word of it they thought I was just making it up so they didn't investigate it at all. Well that was in April, and in July, Ty went to pick up Katelynn and Jenny went with him as a witness, when they returned home about an hour 1/2 later, Ty went to change Katelynns pull-up, and she said "ouch" when he took it off. He looked down and saw bite marks on her pepe. He asked me to change her a little while later, and that's when I saw them also.

So after grandpa went to work, we took her to the nearest hospital, which was in Ottawa.( Because the specialist at KU told us to take her to the nearest place if it happened again) The ER Doctor examined her and asked her what happened, she said "my mommy and daddy Doug bites me there". The doctor was very impressed with her, and he was quite convinced that she was telling the truth. They took pictures, and did swabs ect. And then the police again made us take her back up to Bethany, I guess they just don't want to be bothered with all that paper work, I don't know. Then Ty went to his attorneys office with the pictures and medical evidence. It took him (the attorney) 2 days to get up the nerve to go to the judge with the evidence. He was scared to death. But he finally did, and The judge gave Ty temporary custody for 10 days, then they went back to court again for a hearing, This time the judge gave him joint custody, with residential, and her mommy visitation. Sounds great right, well the visitation was still overnight, and by this time mommy had moved again and refused to give Ty her address.

The Judge wouldn't even hear of supervised visitation for mommy, who by the way was still living with the guy Katelynn says is also a perpitrator. Nor would he even think about charging them with molestation, not even abuse. When Ty tried to protest this he was told you should be glad he gave you custody, this judge never does that with dads. So be thankful for what you have. Any way to make a very long story short, mommy ran off again with the kids, this time for 5 days and the police in Missouri brought her back. Then she filed a motion in court to change custody, when our son protested and told the court he didn't even have her address the judge said you have to send the child to mommy's for 30 days of unsupervised visitation and daddy again protested, the judge threatened to put him in jail for contempt of court, and gave him 24 hours to bring her to mommy. (like he didn't have a reason to be concerned).

So TY left with Katelynn, and was gone for 7 months. When they returned, the Sheriff in Coffey county where we live picked him up and put him in jail for 30 days, they also arrested my husband for standing in the door way and trying to get the sheriff to listen to reason. They also sprayed my husband in the face with pepper spray at point blank range. The spray went all over the kitchen, on Katelynn, and me and Katelynns new baby brother who was 2 weeks old, And Tys new wife Mary. Neither of the guys were ever read their rights, neither was told they could talk to an attorney, and Ty was in jail 30 days. They took Katelynn and gave her back to mommy That was 3/28/00, and we have been looking for them ever since. We have tried an Appeal which cost 3000. and did absolutely nothing. We have tried to get this into another court, but the Judge will not recuse himself. He's locked up all the evidence and when Ty got a new attorney for the appeal, the judge refused to let the attorney have any access to the confidential files, until the appeals court ordered him to release them.

The files have been altered, and there is ex parta communications for her attorney in there that no one has ever seen. Well that's about where we are now, Ty cries all the time, but tries hard to keep it together for his new son Blake which Katelynn hasn't seen since he was 2 weeks old, he is now 11/2. this is so unfair to those babies. If the Judge had cared one lick about the best interest of that child or THE CHILDREN, he would never have allowed her to have custody back, especially knowing she had run off with them 3 times before, now all we can do is pray she is ok, and Tyler doesn't hate daddy. Our son never ever wanted to keep those kids from their mommy, he just wanted to protect them while they were with her, and around that boyfriend of hers. Well that's it, any questions, don't hesitate to ask. Thank you for the forum, and God Bless Sincerely Connie Tschantz, J.A.I.L Waverly, KS J.A.I.L. is an ackronym for Judicial Accountablity & Intregrity Legislation J4J E-mail at connieptschantz@yahoo.com

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